


Big Yellow Taxi

by chaoticcollectorchaos_me



Series: Parabola [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Omega Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 05:47:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16948167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticcollectorchaos_me/pseuds/chaoticcollectorchaos_me
Summary: And with a stroke of a pen, Steve and Tony’s transformation from superheroes to suburban dads was complete.





	Big Yellow Taxi

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Big Yellow Taxi" by Counting Crows or Joni Mitchell or Bob Dylan. Take your pick.

“It won’t budge.” 

 

“Try wiggling it a little bit.” 

 

“I can’t, Steve. It’s stuck. It literally would not budge from its place.” 

 

Steve sighed, his brow furrowing in consternation, “Here let me try it.” 

 

“And how are you going to fit your giant self in the back of an Audi, Steve? Face it, this is an exercise in frustration.” Tony groaned as he slowly pulled himself out of his position, with his torso lodged in the backseat of their Audi, trying in vain to install the second baby seat for Joe. He winced in discomfort as he stretched, six months after giving birth and his body was still recovering.“You okay?” Steve asked when he noticed Tony’s wincing. 

 

“I’m fine, babe. Just, the seats were pressing against my C-section scar a little bit there.” 

 

Steve rubbed gently at Tony’s back in an effort to lessen the pain and comfort his mate. In many ways, Joe’s pregnancy was harder on Tony than Ulysses’ was. They had to deliver him before the forty week mark due to concerns to Tony’s health despite his blood pressure being under control and the fact that there was some abnormal blood clots in Joe’s placenta which caused him to have less oxygen and nutrient supplies. So an emergency C-section was scheduled for their second son and he was kept in NICU for awhile after his birth because his lungs were underdeveloped. 

 

That was six months ago, now they have Joe at home with them being spoiled endlessly by his parents, his aunts and uncles. Ulysses seemed to still be getting used to the fact that he wasn’t the only kid in the house anymore, but having a brother didn’t seem to faze him. He seemed happy to have someone to play with. Or rather play at, because all Joe seemed to be doing these days was eat and sleep. 

 

Steve looked at the Audi again, with one of the car seats they installed for Ulysses a long time ago, and the second one they unsuccessfully tried to install. Tony was right, it was too small.  There was no way they would be able to add that second seat in the sedan. 

 

“Come on, let’s take a break. We could try again later,” Steve encouraged Tony. he wrapped his arms around his mate’s shoulder and nudged him towards the elevator to go back up to the penthouse. 

 

“It’s no use. There’s just not enough space in there. I mean, I’m good but even I can’t create space out of thin air. Unless I have the Tesseract. Do you think Odin would let me borrow it?” 

 

Steve rolled his eyes, “We’re not using the Tesseract just to install a car seat in the Audi.” 

 

“Spoilsport.” 

 

The elevator dinged signaling their arrival at the top floor. Most of their family were all gathered in the living room, playing Guitar Hero. Kansas’  _ Carry on Wayward Son _ could be heard from the speakers as Clint and Sam played the game. Bucky and Thor egging them on from the couch. Ulysses was watching his uncles play the guitar, seemingly mesmerized by the moving graphics on the television and Joe was still tucked in his pillow fort, snoozing away despite the raucous and cacophonous atmosphere his uncles were making. 

 

“Come on! You’re almost at 100,000 points!” Bucky yelled at them. The score tally rapidly counting the points was showing that Clint and Sam were almost at 100,000 points. 

 

“Shut up, asshole! We’re concentrating!” Sam fired back, eyes glued to the screen. 

 

“Language!” everyone immediately chimed in. Steve rolled his eyes at their obvious mocking, the small smile on his lips betraying his annoyed expression, and moved to sit on the unoccupied space on the couch next to Thor. He checked on Joe, sleeping peacefully on the couch. He stroked the baby’s head marveling at how Joe’s wispy blonde hair was identical to his. When the baby would open his eyes, the blue orbs that stared back at them was one hundred percent Steve’s. In short, Joe was his carbon copy much to Tony’s dismay that none of his children took after him. 

 

Steve fervently hoped that the resemblance was skin deep and Joe didn’t inherit any of his health problem. Joe’s lung capacity developed following his stay at the NICU, and he could breathe normally now. He was still compared to Ulysses when he was at the same age, but Steve still held out hope that with all the medical advances in the 21st century, his son would be able to lead a normal life even if Joe turned out to be like him before the serum. 

 

Steve felt Tony beside him, calloused fingers gently caressing his cheekbone. One glance at Tony told him his mate knew what he was thinking. Tony smiled reassuringly at him, comforting him with his warm gaze and his touch. Steve loved him so much, this man he met seventy years out of time but was meant for him after all. Steve brought the hand stroking his face down to his lips, kissing Tony’s knuckles, pouring all of his emotions to Tony, willing him to feel all of Steve’s love for him. 

 

“Please stop making out in the common area. We still want to be able to watch TV when your pheromones have blown over.” Bucky told them, breaking the tender moment they were sharing. 

 

“No one’s reeking pheromones, Barnes. Besides, my tower, my rules. I can spray anything I want to.” Tony retorted back, sticking out his tongue just to be extra petulant. He was sitting on the arm of the couch and leaning back to recline his body on Steve’s, baby Joe sleeping soundly under him. 

 

Bucky grimaced in disapproval, just as Clint and Sam finally won their game. The console proclaiming them to be rock stars. They cheered, Ulysses jumping in with his gleeful clapping and holding his arms aloft for one of his uncles to pick him up. 

 

“ _ Tocca a me! _ ” he squealed, “ _ Tocca a me, Zio Clint! _ ”  _ Now it’s my turn, Uncle Clint! _

 

“What did he say?” Clint asked Tony. 

 

“He’s saying: it’s his turn now.” Tony answered him, “ _ Tesoro, non sei ancora abbastanza grande per giocare a quel gioco.”  _ Ulysses’s face started to look crestfallen at being denied to play, _ sweetheart, you're not old enough to play that game yet.  _

 

_ “Ma perché non suoni insieme allo zio Clint.”  _ Tony added to appease him.  _ but why don't you play it together with Uncle Clint.  _

 

The boy started smiling again and turned to Clint, “ _P_ _ er favore, zio Clint. _ ” his blue eyes big and shining, looking so cute Tony couldn’t resist pinching one of his chubby cheeks. 

 

“Alright, squirt.” Clint heaved him up and set him on his shoulders, much to Ulysses’ amusement. “This time let’s try and break a million points.” 

 

“Yay!” 

 

“Alright, my turn now!” Bucky took the other controller from Sam who readily relinquished it in favor of collapsing on the couch with a big sigh. 

 

“Ready?” Clint asked, starting up another round of Guitar Hero. 

 

“Born ready.” Bucky answered. 

 

The two men started the game and the opening chords to Wolfmother’s  _ Woman  _ started to play.

 

“Nice!” Tony said approvingly, his head started to move along with the music and singing along with music. 

 

“So did y’all get the seats installed?” Sam asked from his position spread along the couch. Steve and Tony were down in the garage for awhile, which only meant two things: they got the seats installed and had a quickie or they didn’t get the seats installed but still have a quickie. 

 

“No,” Steve sighed, “the backseat of the Audi wasn’t large enough to fit two car seats.” 

 

“Yeah, didn’t think so. There was barely enough space for one, if you could fit a second one that’d be a miracle.” 

 

Steve side eyed Sam, “how’d you know so much about car seats?” 

 

“I have nephews and nieces, man. Other than Ulysses and Joe, I meant. Had to help my sisters’ husbands install seats for their babies before.” 

 

“You could have told us this before we wasted two hours trying to futilely install a carseat. How did anyone ever manage to figure that out is beyond me. And beyond Tony too.” 

 

“I heard that!” Tony chimed in, momentarily pulled away from the Guitar Hero game on the TV, “if Steve let me use the Tesseract I would have figured out how to install that second car seat eventually.” 

 

Sam laughed, “Y’all gonna use an infinity stone to install a carseat. You people are crazy.” 

 

“I’m not sure Odin would be too keen on lending it to you, Tony.” Thor chimed in. 

 

“Odin doesn’t have to know. We can put those crows of his to sleep first then grab the Tesseract real quick and put it back.” 

 

“Well I doubt any car you have here would be able to fit that second seat either way. Unless you want to take the Rolls for a trip to the park.” Sam said again. 

 

“Ugh, no. Too flashy and too easy for the paps to spot. We’ve been doing good so far with not allowing them a chance to take a picture of Uly and Joe.” Tony answered. 

 

He and Steve had decided that they wouldn’t be publishing any picture that showed their sons face in full profile. The press and the media knew of their existence, they just didn’t know what Ulysses and Joe looked like. When they were born, Stark Industries released a press statement along with a pre-approved picture of Steve and Tony holding Ulysses or Joe at an angle that obscured their faces from the camera. The outside world knew of their sons’ existence, they just didn’t know what they looked like, and Steve and Tony preferred to keep it that way. 

 

Their family wholeheartedly supported them. Whenever they posted pictures on social media, they always made sure to post a picture where Ulysses was turned away or facing away from the camera. It drove the paparazzi crazy, but the Avengers were protective of their pack and for good reason. 

 

“So then there’s only one thing to do,” Sam continued, “you know what to do, don’t you?” he raised an eyebrow, emphasizing his words. Steve squinted at his friend, trying to decipher his words. 

 

“Oh no,” Tony seemed to understand what Sam was implying, “Uh-uh, we’re not going there, Wilson. Stop it.” 

“Well, what else were you going to do? Not go outside with Joe? Put him on your lap when you’re driving to the park? Don’t you be pulling a Britney, man. That’s my nephew right there.” Sam cautioned him. 

 

Steve looked at Tony and saw the pained expression on his mate’s face. What are they talking about? Steve felt like he’s missing something, a future thing, which was something he hadn’t have to deal with in awhile. Thor looked as clueless as he felt too, so it’s definitely a 21st century thing. 

 

“Somebody wanna fill me on what’s going on?” 

 

“Goddamnit.” Tony sighed longsufferingly. In the background, Clint, Bucky and Ulysses cheered as they reached one million points on Guitar Hero. 

 

* * *

 

Being a parent definitely knocked Tony down a peg or two. Whereas before he would never be caught with messy hair and unshaven face, these days his appearance seemed to be the last thing in his mind. How could it not when you have an active three year old and a six month old baby to take care of? 

 

He’d long come to terms that he wouldn’t look the same as he did pre- having children. He managed to lose the weight he gained during pregnancy, but he wasn’t as preoccupied with looking his best whenever he went out of the tower. These days he mostly wore Steve’s clothing, because they smelled like Steve and because they were comfortable. Steve didn’t seem to mind, his eyes flashing amorously whenever he saw Tony walking in to the kitchen, the common room or his studio wearing one of his sweaters or t-shirts. God help them if Steve saw him wearing one of his button downs, they’d be indisposed for the rest of the day. 

 

He still wore his signature black tank top, though. He looked good in it and his guns were fine as hell, okay. Tony might be less vain now, but he still got it so he’s gonna flaunt it. Also, he worked hard to get his core strength back to pre-pregnancy standard and the tank top allowed him to show it off. Even if it’s just to Steve and his opinion was the only one that mattered for Tony. 

 

Tony wasn’t worried about Steve losing interest in him. He wasn’t, that much was clear. They were still going strong after four years of mating and if Tony had his way, they would be even stronger as they went through life together. 

 

What he was worried about though, as irrational as it was, was the little things that used to make up Tony Stark. Tony Stark: genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, not Tony: Steve’s mate or Tony: Ulysses and Joe’s Babbo. Things like his propensity for a night cap, which he ceased to do ever since being pregnant with Ulysses, or his love of fast cars or his fancy designer sunglasses. He knew sooner or later some things have to give. And he guessed now would be as good a time as any. His vanity would never rank higher than the safety of his children. Not in this world or the next. 

 

Which explained why a jubilant Sam just dropped him and Steve off at a random Honda dealership in Poughkeepsie. To buy a minivan. God, what even was his life…

 

Tony looked at the unassuming building in front of him with trepidation, feeling like he was about to face the Chitauri all over again. Steve looked unconcerned, but that’s maybe because he had never go through the car buying process and therefore was unaware of how sleazy car salesmen were. 

 

“Let’s get this over with.” Tony groaned, “I wanna go back home before our kids forget our faces and start thinking that Sam and Bucky are their parents.” 

 

“You’re exaggerating, again.” Steve took his hand in his and started walking to the entrance, taking Tony with him as he went, “it’s not going to be that bad. Right?” 

 

“Ugh, you’ve never had to buy a car before, Steve. You don’t know how predatory these people can be.” Tony dramatically dropped his head on Steve’s shoulder, and Steve, being the good mate that he was, shifted his hold to Tony’s waist to bring them closer. 

 

“And  _ you  _ have?” Steve raised an eyebrow at him, “as I understand it, you just give Happy your black credit card and let him buy the cars for you.” 

 

“I heard stories.” Tony petulantly said. “And it makes more sense that way. He’s going to be the one driving it, why shouldn’t he be the one choosing the cars?” 

 

Steve laughed at that, “God help me, but that does make sense. I’ve been hanging out too long with you.” 

 

“You’re gonna be hanging out with me until the day you die if I have any say in it.” 

 

“No complaints there.” Steve leaned down to kiss him, and Tony was more than happy to oblige. He opened his mouth and lean further up to deepen the kiss. Tony wound one of his arms around Steve’s neck as he felt one of Steve’s hand started stroking his cheeks. They lost a good amount of time immersed in each other’s presence, trading kisses and touches, until someone rudely cleared their throats and timidly said, “Um, pardon me, sirs? Can I help you with something?” 

 

Tony reluctantly broke away from the kiss to stare down at the salesman who so rudely interrupted his moment with Steve. “Uh, duh. We’re looking for a car.” 

 

“Tony,” Steve subtly reprimanded him. “Hi, sorry about that.” Steve affected an apologetic expression, his cheeks blushing charmingly as he realized he got carried away with his affectionate display in public, “Yes, we’re looking for a new minivan for our family. Can you help us with that?” 

 

“Oh yeah, definitely!” car salesman, who according to his name tag was Kevin and didn’t look a day over twenty chirped again, “I can help you with that. My name’s Kevin,” he thrust out his hand for Steve to shake, “nice to meet you!” 

 

“Nice to meet you, Kevin,” Steve said, politely shaking his hand, “I’m Steve and this is my mate, Tony.” Tony nodded his head in acknowledgment, not offering his hand for Kevin to shake because of germs. 

 

“Awesome! Steve and Tony, huh? Just like Captain America and Iron Man!” Kevin laughed. 

 

Steve and Tony tensed up a little at the mention of their superhero alter egos, before realizing the man didn’t recognize them as the leaders of the Avengers. “Yup, just like them.” Tony said after a few moments of silence. 

 

“Well alright then, gents! Follow me this way and I’ll show what models we have in stock right now.” 

 

Kevin showed them to the showroom and went over all the available models and the pros and cons of each one of them. Tony peppered him with question after question from the safety rating to how fuel efficient the cars were to minute details of the engines that completely went over Steve’s head. All the while, Kevin manages to keep apace with Tony’s line of questioning. There were some questions that he couldn’t answer but what he did answer seemed to be a satisfactory answer, judging by Tony’s expression and nods. All the while, Steve just sat back and let Tony took control of the questioning, delighted to see his mate completely in his element.  If Kevin was surprised by the role reversal from the stereotype of engine loving Alphas, he didn’t comment on it or was too polite to show it.

 

For all of Tony’s complaints and moaning about going to buy a car, Steve knew he would enjoy it. Tony lit up like nothing else when he was in the vicinity of an engine or if he was given half a chance to talk about them. Steve was only too happy to encourage such happiness from his mate. It was a sight to behold, witnessing Tony’s genius and brilliance on display. It was one of the things that initially drew him to Tony, Steve always did find himself attracted to smart people. And well, there’s no one smarter than Tony Stark as the man himself was fond to say.  

 

After numerous questioning and hemming and hawing from Tony, they finally settled on the newest model Honda Odyssey, and Kevin asked them what color they would like for the car. 

 

“Steve, babe, what color do you want?” Tony deferred to him.

 

“I suppose the maroon one would do. It fits with your color scheme, doesn’t it? Something low profile.” Steve winked at him. 

 

“Hmph, tease. Okay, Kev maroon it is, the Big Guy has spoken.” 

 

“Great! Well, why don’t we step right over here and you guys take a seat, make yourselves at home while I go and grab some paperwork for you to look over and sign before we can go do the test drive.” 

 

“Sounds good. Thanks, Kevin.” Steve replied. Kevin scampered on to another part of the dealership, leaving Steve and Tony alone, sitting in front of a vacant work desk. 

 

“Having fun?” Steve asked him, one of his hand kneading Tony’s shoulder. 

 

“Not in the least.” Tony answered primly, propping his head on Steve’s shoulder, “don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, mister. Making me talk about machines and cars and engines while you stand there looking all smiley dopey.” 

 

“Smiley dopey? Really, Tony?” Steve was laughing at that. 

 

“Yes, smiley dopey. You looked so enamored, if we’re not in public I would have jumped you a thousand times over.” 

 

“Maybe later.” Steve whispered, giving a peck to Tony’s lips, “once we’re done here.” 

 

Tony hummed in agreement, “We do have a car we need to christen after this. Two birds, one stone.” 

 

Steve kissed him again, “Yes. Should be easier than christening the Camaro you got for my one hundredth birthday. More legroom.” 

 

Tony laughed out loud at the mention of their latest attempt to have sex in a car. He remembered how hard it was just trying to get their pants off in the Camaro. They’ve never tried a minivan before, maybe it would be easier. “Can’t wait.”

 

Kevin came back again with a stack of paperwork before they managed to talk more about what they planned to do afterwards. He sat down in front of them with a bright grin on his face, the face of a man who knew he would be making a big commission after this. “Okay, folks. We’re all set for the test drive, I already got the car pulled up front for you there,” he pointed at the maroon Honda Odyssey that would soon be theirs parked by the entrance, “can I just get one of you guy’s driver’s license to copy for collateral?” 

 

“Sure.” Tony reached back for his wallet, pulling out his driver’s license.

 

He handed it to Kevin who took with glee, reading the license to address Tony, “Alright then, Mr. Stark. I’ll just make a copy of this and we can go do that test drive. Wow, your name’s Anthony Stark, just like--- oh my God…”

 

The moment that it dawned on Kevin that he was talking to Tony Stark was evident to Tony and Steve. His mouth gaped open and he looked at Tony, then to Steve, then to Tony again, then to Steve again. He glanced back down at the driver’s license in his hand again, expecting the name would change if he just looked at it again. Tony bit his bottom lip so he wouldn’t unexpectedly burst out laughing. Steve sat patiently next to him, his smile kind and encouraging. 

 

“Technically, it’s Rogers now. I just haven’t had the time to go to the DMV and make the corrections.” Tony decided to take pity on the boy. His brain seemed to be mush right now. 

 

“Right. Of course it’s Rogers ‘cause your mate is Steve Rogers…oh my God I just sold a car to Captain America and Iron Man.” Kevin said faintly, almost as if he was talking to himself. 

 

“That you did, buddy.” Tony said again, “so are we gonna test drive that car or what?” 

 

“What? Oh, test drive! Yes, Sir! Of course! Just-- let me-- I’ll copy this then get it back to you, Sir!” and with that he ran all the way to the copy machine on the other side of the room, much to the bewilderment of his coworkers and Tony and Steve’s amusement. 

 

“That never gets old.” Tony told Steve. 

 

“Now, you’re definitely having fun.” 

 

“So, uh, can I ask why you guys need a minivan?” Kevin, seemingly having shaken off the shock of being in the presence of two superheroes, finally spoke again during the test drive. 

 

“Why does anyone need a minivan, Kev?” Tony retorted, he was driving the minivan which was all kinds of ridiculous. The paparazzis would have a field day if they ever got a hold of a pictorial evidence of Tony Stark driving around in a minivan, “We got kids now. We’re boring people. It’s time to trade in my Lotus for a Honda. The minivan has a higher safety rating compared to a muscle car. Take your pick.” 

 

“Right, right. You have two kids, now right? At least that’s what the news said.” 

 

“Yes, two sons,” Steve answered from his position in the back of the van, “Ulysses and Joseph.” 

 

“Wow,” Kevin looked back at Steve, “Can I just say-- Captain, it’s such an honor to meet you. My grandpa was in the 107th. If you hadn’t rescued him and his fellow platoons, I might not even be born. Thank you, Sir.” 

 

“Please, I just did what anyone would have done if they were faced with the same dilemma as I did back then.” 

 

“Well, still, I’d like to thank you for service, Sir.” Kevin said again, his voice was taking on that starstruck tone that people seemed to adopt whenever they were in Steve’s vicinity. 

 

“You’re welcome.” Steve inclined his head in acknowledgement. It still amazed Tony that this man, who was so revered by his countrymen, could stay so humble and down to earth in the face of such adulation. Tony thought that had Dr. Erskine chosen anyone else other than Steve, the Captain America they would have would be an unbearable asshole with little regard to the people he was tasked with protecting. 

 

“Also, Mr. Stark-- I mean Dr. Stark? Dr. Rogers, or Dr. Stark-Rogers? I don’t know which one you prefer?-- can I just say I’m a big fan of your work? I did my senior thesis using the demultiplexing technique in your dissertation to try to analyze and demultiplex finite elements on high frequency IC.” 

 

“Oh, interesting!” Tony lit up, “I didn’t know anyone was using it. I came up with that on a whim for one of the postdocs in my lab. I put it as a footnote in my own dissertation. How the hell did you even know about it?” 

 

“Oh, my thesis advisor was Jun Schroeder. I think you guys were in the same lab in grad school. In Dr. Jeff Shapiro’s lab.” 

 

“Yes! Shapiro’s lab, I remember! Jun was the postdoc I made that equation for. He was working on atmospheric interference entanglement in his high frequency circuit. I helped him a little bit.” 

 

“Well, from his stories it sounded like you helped him a lot, Dr. Stark. He said he wouldn’t have been able to publish the paper that got him his faculty position without your help. And that equation in the footnote of your dissertation was basically the ideal gas law equation for our lab.” 

 

Tony laughed, “Aw, I didn’t do much. Just showed him to think of the problem in a different way.” Tony pivoted, tried to change the conversation away from his deeds, “How’s Jun, by the way? I defended before his paper got published. I never got a chance to keep in touch with him.” 

 

“He’s good. He’s tenured faculty at RPI now. It’s where I went to school, actually.” 

 

“RPI, huh? Nice. Well, next time you see him tell him I said hi.” 

 

“Yeah, of course, Dr. Stark. Oh, turn right on the next intersection, by the way. We need to go back to the dealership.”

 

“I can’t just drive this back to Stark Tower, can I?” 

 

“No, sorry, Dr. Stark, you still need to pay.” 

 

“Aww, shucks. You foiled my dastardly plans.” Tony joked at Kevin who laughed with him, at ease with the two superheroes. Tony saw Steve’s blue eyes looking into his own brown ones from the rearview mirror, a small smile on his lips. Tony was familiar with that look, it was the “I love you so much, you don’t even know how much I want to kiss you and hug you and never let you go ever again” look. 

 

Tony pressed down on the accelerator that much more.

 

* * *

 

Back at the dealership, Tony asked Kevin how invested he was in the dealership job. The boy told him that he was just helping out at his family’s dealership for the summer, while looking for a more permanent job after graduating from college. Tony then asked Kevin if he would be interested in sending his resume to Tony, because the telecommunications department at Stark Industries was hiring new engineers. 

 

Kevin’s eyes bugged out to ten times its original size, and his mouth somehow managed to open even wider than when he found out who they were before and enthusiastically said yes, he would very much be interested in working at Stark Industries. He promised he would send his resume to Tony as soon as possible, and ran off to expedite their paperwork. 

 

Ten minutes later, Kevin came back with a pre-filled paperwork, and all they had to do was sign it to take ownership of the car. And with a stroke of a pen, Steve and Tony’s transformation from superheroes to suburban dads was complete. They were now the proud owners of a Honda Odyssey that could seat seven people and equipped with a sunroof. More importantly the Odyssey could fit two car seats, with more than enough room if they put down the middle seat. 

 

That afternoon, they drove the minivan back to the Tower and once safely ensconced in the underground garage of the Tower, they proceeded to christen the car to properly welcome it to the Stark-Rogers automotive collection.

 

* * *

 

“Eww, Papa and Daddy are back. Let’s not go down to the garage until they properly air out the car,” Bucky told Ulysses, who was sitting on his lap eating a banana. His eyes lit up as he spotted his parents entering the living room and he called out to them. 

 

“ _ Papa! Babbo! Ho vinto!  _ _ Sono un campione, sono un _ rockstar!” _Papa! Daddy! I won! I'm a champion, I'm a rockstar!_

 

“ _ Tu sei? Buon lavoro, dolcezza! _ ” Tony exclaimed, lifting Ulysses up into his arms and smooching his chubby cheeks much to Ulysses’ delight. _You did? Good job, sweetheart!_

 

“Good job, buddy. Have you been good for your uncles?” Steve stroked his downy brown hair, so much like Tony’s. With his bright blue eyes, Ulysses looked like the perfect combination of the two of them. 

 

“ _Sì!_ _Sono stato un bravo ragazzo. Ma Joe stava piangendo prima._ ” Ulysses pointed at Joe’s direction. The baby was held in Bruce’s arms, eyes rapt on the tablet that Bruce was doing his work on. 

 

“ _ Probabilmente era affamato. Ha mangiato?”  _ Tony asked Ulysses again.  _ He was probably hungry. Has he eaten? _

 

_ “Sì. zio Bruce gli ha dato la sua bottiglia.” Yes, Uncle Bruce gave him his bottle.  _

 

“ _ Tutto apposto. Grazie, Uly. Vuoi giocare con Papà?” Alright, Thank you, Uly. You want to go play with Papa? _

 

Ulysses nodded enthusiastically, and held out his arms to Steve. Tony readily transferred the boy to Steve’s arms where Ulysses immediately wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck. 

 

“You wanna go draw something, hmm?” Steve asked him as he turned and headed for his studio with Ulysses. Ulysses’ quiet assent accompanying Steve’s footsteps out of the living room. 

 

“Hey, how’s he doing?” Tony sat down next to Bruce. The man was reviewing a submitted article from the looks of it, and from the angry red marks said article would not be due for publication anytime soon. 

 

“Hey, Tony.” Bruce greeted him, “he’s fine, just a little bit hungry before, right baby boy?” Bruce jostled Joe gently. Bruce had come a long way from his utter discomfort around babies, when Ulysses was first born to now, where he could confidently hold Joe without flinching. 

 

Joe’s response was to yawn and drool on Bruce’s arm that was holding. Tony snickered at Bruce’s grimace and gently pried Joe from Bruce’s hold, “It’s okay, I got him. Go back to eviscerating the poor soul who thought having Dr. Bruce Banner review their paper was a good idea.” 

 

Bruce scowled at the reminder of the task, “It’s terrible. There’s no attempt to make sure their experiments were rigorous or reproducible. How did this get past the editors?” 

Tony shrugged and laid Joe down on his chest, the baby’s eyes were starting to droop. “They probably think you’ll do the job for them, Brucie.” Tony started to rub Joe’s back, gently lulling him back to sleep. After awhile, he started to drift off too, the warmth of the living room and feeling the comforting weight of his baby on top of him were pulling him to sleep. Plus, Steve really tire him out from their afternoon delight session earlier in the minivan. 

 

Today he bought a car, installed two car seats in said car, christened the car with Steve and quite possibly hired a new promising employee for Stark Telecommunications. All in a day’s work, Tony thought as he drifted off.

 

* * *

  
  


_ One Month Later _

  
  


Tony retched painfully, head stuck down the toilet bowl and emptying the last of his stomach’s content from last night’s dinner. Behind him, Steve was carrying Joe, observing Tony fearfully, while Ulysses clutched at his Papa’s sleep pants. 

 

“ _ Sta morendo Babbo? _ ” he asked to Steve, eyes brimming with tears. _ Is Daddy dying? _

 

“No, no, sweetheart. Babbo’s not dying, he’s just sick.” Steve knelt down to hug his son, rubbing his back comfortingly. Ulysses hid his face in Steve’s neck, scared. 

 

“Ugh, this is the third time this week. I knew we shouldn’t have gotten that Indian takeout. That restaurant was shady AF.” Tony groaned, leaning his head against the toilet bowl. 

 

“Everybody ate it, Tony, and they’re all fine. You’re the only who’s been sick. I don’t care what you say, I’m calling Dr. Rosenberg to make an appointment. This isn’t normal.” Steve said, ready to command JARVIS to set up an appointment with Tony’s primary care physician. 

 

“If I may, Sir, Captain Rogers, I might have an answer as to the riddle of Master Stark’s predicament.” 

 

“What? Spit it out, JARVIS.” Tony croaked out from his position lying on the bathroom floor. 

 

“I’m detecting two heartbeats from you, Sir. One is slower, consistent with an adult heart rate, and the other faster. Consistent with a fetal heart rate.”

 

Tony jerked up so fast, Steve was worried he might have sprained something. But then, JARVIS’ words dawned on them. 

 

“Fetal heart rate?”

 

“Tony, oh my God…” 

 

“Motherfucker!” 

 

“Language!”    
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
